reflect regret
by diminunito
Summary: If only at that time, I hadn’t let her go. Even now this still haunts me. Moved to T because of yuri undertones.
1. 全て・Everything

BECAUSE THE KEIGO IS IMPORTANT I AM USING HONORIFICS. SHAAAME ON MEEEE.

----

"_Goodbye, Nagisa-chan," Tamao whispered, taking hold of the red ribbon tied around Nagisa's hair. She pulled. _Goodbye, Nagisa-chan. Be happy with Shizuma-sama.

"Tamao-chan! Hey, wake up, Tamao-chan!"

Indigo colored eyes slowly fluttered open under long eyelashes. Suzumi Tamao blinked, and slowly sat up, turning to face the person who was calling for her.

"Honestly, it's so weird for me to have to wake you up, you know? Usually it's Tamao-chan who wakes me up!" Nagisa complained, pouting and putting her hands on her hips. "Come on, Tamao-chan!"

"Nagisa...chan...?" Tamao slowly asked, eyes blank. "...Didn't you.....with Shizuma-sama...?"

"Hurry up, Tamao-chan! Rokujou-sama's not going to let us off easily if we're late to breakfast!" declared the cheery, maroon haired girl. "She won't let us hear the end of it if the two Etoile are late to breakfast on their first day!"

"E...to...ile....?" repeated Tamao, tilting her head to the side.

"That's right," Nagisa replied, as if it was supposed to be obvious. She pursed her lips and tilted her head slightly. "We won the Etoile Election, Tamao-chan. Don't you remember? Although Tamao-chan, you _did_ fall asleep almost as soon as we got back here. But, that aside, hurry up and get dressed! We're going to be laaate!"

"Okay, okay, Nagisa-chan," Tamao nodded, slowly standing up and smiling.

"Huuurrry!!" Nagisa practically wailed, beckoning Tamao to do just that; hurry.

"Nagisa-chan is so energetic early in the morning," purple eyes smiled at her room mate as Tamao quickly dressed herself. "Of course, that's what makes Nagisa-chan cute!" her soft and kind smile brightened as she said that, and Nagisa blushed.

"T, Tamao-chan..." Nagisa murmured, touching one finger to her face and scratching it lightly.

"Okay, I'm done, Nagisa-chan," smiled Tamao, taking Nagisa's hand. "Now let's go, or we'll be late!"

"Yes!"

-----

"...I wonder if Shizuma-sama is going to be there...?" Tamao murmured, looking down at the floor as she and Nagisa ran through the halls.

"Ssh, students!!" Nagisa interrupted, tightening her grip on Tamao's hand and slowing down. "We can't be seen _running_, you know!"

"Ah, yes!" Tamao agreed, also slowing down as some students ran past, also late to breakfast in all likelihood. As they passed the pair, the two girls quickly slowed down and bowed their heads.

"G, good morning, Etoile-sama," they quickly bowed, before whispering something to each other and rushing off.

"What were you saying, Tamao-chan?" Nagisa continued, looking back at Tamao-chan as if nothing had happened.

"I wonder if Shizuma-sama will...will be there," repeated the blue haired girl, her tone worried.

"Ah! Rokujou-sama!!" Nagisa suddenly exclaimed, pointing with one hand and covering her mouth with one. Quickly, as a reflex, the pink haired girl bowed her head and her tone was wracked with nervousness. "W, we're very sorry!!"

"You're late," she said, her tone harsh and scolding. "You two need to be more careful!"

"W, we're very sorry!!" Nagisa and Tamao repeated in unison, both bowing their heads this time.

"Anyways, go in, you two," Miyuki waved the pair in with an almost dismissive look. "You aren't the Etoile yet."

"I wonder if Shizuma-sama will be here," Tamao repeated one last time, looking at Nagisa, whose hand she was still holding.

"Etoile-sama..." Nagisa repeated. Tamao bit her lip upon seeing the blush on Nagisa's face and averted her eyes towards the floor as the two held hands before the doorway to the dining hall.

- - - - - - -

- - - - - - -

"Mizushima-chan! Chihaya-chan!" cried Nagisa, knocking frantically on the door of their two friends. "Mizushima-chan!! Chihaya-chan!!" Draped over her shoulders was a panting Tamao, her face red and her eyes closed. "Open the door!"

"Who is it?" Chihaya asked sleepily, opening the door. Her eyes brightened. "Oh, it's Nagisa-chan! And....Tamao-chan?!" the brown haired girl's expression immediately turned worried at seeing Tamao's feverish state. "What happened, Nagisa-chan?"

"I don't know!" Nagisa wailed, tears forming in her eyes. "T, Tamao-chan, she just...suddenly collapsed!"

"A~ah, if it isn't Nagisa-chan," a voice suddenly yawned out of nowhere. "What are you doing at this time?"

"Ch, Chikaru-sama!!" Nagisa continued to wail, and she would have thrown herself towards the older girl were it not for Tamao draped over her shoulders.

"Oh, and is that Tamao-chan? ...What's wrong with her?" Chikaru asked, frowning and tilting her head to the side. "Hm, it seems rather serious, shouldn't you take her to the infirmary?"

-------------

"_私は幸せ__." ("I am happy.") I thought that I was definitely happy. Because, I got to be together with Nagisa-chan forever. Forever, we got to be happy together. She picked me over Shizuma-sama, over the Etoile-sama, she picked me. She picked _me_. I am definitely happier than anyone else in this world._

"_Tamao-chan!" All I wanted was to hear her call me that, to pick me as more important to her than anyone else in the world. All I wanted, was to see Nagisa-chan's beautiful smile every single day._

_So why aren't I happy? Why don't I think that I am happy?_

-------------

"Tamao-chan...." Nagisa whispered, holding Tamao's cold hand tightly in hers. "Tamao-chan, please wake up!"

-------------

_That's why I didn't want to give her up. I wanted her to always, always stay with me. That day, on the day of the Etoile Election, I....._

_Did I let her go? On that day, did I let Nagisa-chan go?_


	2. 願い・Wish

Story moved to T because of yuri undertones.

Honorifics are used.

----

"Shizuma-sama...she didn't attend breakfast," Tamao murmured, purple eyes distant and staring off into the distance. "Doesn't that worry you, Nagisa-chan?" The blue haired girl turned her attention to her partner sitting next to her, worry in her eyes.

"I think the one who's more worried is you, Tamao-chan!" Nagisa protested, her pink eyes wide and her mouth twisted.

"...Nagisa-chan, do you...remember the Etoile Election? That day?" Tamao suddenly asked, staring at the floor while biting her lip. Her eyes were shadowed by her long bangs, and her tone seemed forced.

"How could I forget it?" the dark pink haired girl pursed her lips and tapped said mouth, staring up at the sky. "Don't tell me! Tamao-chan, don't tell me you forgot about it?!"

"...I won't lie to you, Nagisa-chan," sighed Tamao, looking back at Nagisa with pleading purple eyes. "...My last memory is of tying that ribbon into your hair, and then waking up the next morning. All the rest of it....is a blank."

"That ribbon? Oh! You mean the amulet, right?" Nagisa's expression brightened, and she quickly produced the red ribbon from one of the pockets on her uniform. "I've treasured it since that day, Tamao-chan. Because it shows how close our friendship is!"

"Nagisa-chan!" Tamao smiled gratefully, tears beginning to form in her eyes. Said eyes turned curious when she looked down at what Nagisa was doing. "...Nagisa...chan?"

"It's so that we're never apart!" Nagisa smiled eagerly, holding up her pinky finger, which was tied to Tamao's pinky finger with the red ribbon. "Always together, Tamao-chan!"

"Yes!"

---

"Etoile-sama!" Dark red eyes stared at the blue haired girl standing a few paces away. "What are you doing here? Usually it's Nagisa-kun--- I mean, Etoile-sama, who comes here."

"Hikari-chan's not here?" Tamao asked, looking around.

"Hikari is...." Amane began, before slowly trailing off and relaxing from her grooming of Star Bride.

"...Nagisa-chan and I...we shouldn't have..." Tamao started, biting her lip and speaking slowly, as if the words were terribly painful for her to speak. There were many pauses, stutters, and other stumbles as she spoke, all the while not finding herself able to meet Amane's gaze. "We shouldn't....shouldn't have...become..."

"You won the election," Amane said simply, continuing to groom her white horse. "So don't say that, and be happy with Nagisa-kun---, Etoile-sama."

"But--!! Amane-senpai and Hikari-chan should have--!"

"Hikari and I are happy," smiled Amane, a soft and warm smile.

"But..."

----

"Nagisa-chan?"

"Yes, Tamao-chan?" Nagisa smiled with a curious look on her face, turning her head to look across the room, at her roommate.

"...Can you...tell me? About the day of the Etoile Election? It's, it's scary, Nagisa-chan, not knowing...what happened."

"Tamao-chan..." Nagisa shifted under her covers and sat up, rubbing her eyes. "It's a bit of a long story, so should I come over there?"

"...please do," Tamao murmured, averting her eyes. Nagisa smiled indulgently, standing up and crossing the room.

"So, the last thing you remember is the ribbon?" Tamao nodded, staring at Nagisa with an expression as if she were a lost child. "After that, Rokujou-sama came to pick us up, and we went down to the election hall."

"...Was Shizuma-sama there?" Tamao interrupted.

"Etoile-sama? ...I...can't remember," Nagisa frowned.

"_A...and Rokujou-sama, what do you think...about Shizuma-sama and Nagisa-chan?"_

"_I think that the only person who doesn't know is Nagisa-san herself."_

"_I...I see."_

"Tamao-chan? Tamao-chan, what's wrong? Why are you crying, Tamao-chan? Are you okay? Tamao-chan!"

"I...I'm sorry, Nagisa-chan! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Why are you apologizing? Why are you apologizing, Tamao-chan?"

"I'm...I'm sorry, Nagisa-chan!"

"Tamao-chan! H, hey...Tamao-chan? W...Wake up, th, this isn't funny, Tamao-chan, h, hey... Tamao-chan? Are...are you okay?"

_I realized it. That the Nagisa-chan I loved was the Nagisa-chan who wasn't just mine. I was...happy. I wanted to convince myself that I was happy. I wanted to just be happy with Nagisa-chan. So...when I... It was either to let her go, or to hate myself forever._

_I chose...to hate myself forever._

"O...on the day of the Etoile Election, _did Shizuma-sama make an appearance_?" Tamao repeated, her tone low and serious.

"I, I told you, Tamao-chan, I can't remember!"

"Then! I'll ask Rokujou-sama, Chihaya-chan, Mizushima-chan, Chikaru-sama, Hikari-chan, anyone!" declared Tamao, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Why are you so serious about this, Tamao-chan? Why are you so serious about Etoile-sama?"

"B...Because, Nagisa-chan, I..." _I need to know, I need to know what happened on that day. For self satisfaction, so that I don't need to hate myself forever._

"Tamao-chan! Where are you going? Tamao!"

---------

"Oh, Rokujou-sama!" Tamao gasped, quickly slowing and bowing to the older student, trying to catch her attention.

"Suzumi-san? No, Etoile-sama?" asked Miyuki, raising an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"At...at the Etoile Election, did...did Shizuma-sama show up at all?" Tamao panted, struggling to catch her breath.

_It would be nice if you called her "Nagisa" sometimes._

"...Did you say something?" Tamao blinked, having caught her breath. Miyuki shook her head slowly.

"No, I didn't say anything, Etoile-sama."

"So...did she? Did Shizuma-sama show up?"

"...Why are you asking me this?" Miyuki sighed, crossing her arms.

"B, because..." Tamao's expression turned downcast. "Nagisa-chan doesn't know, and I can't remember. Anything, anything about the Election."

"Is that so..." Miyuki sighed and shook her head, still crossing her arms. "Yes, towards the end of the ceremony. Shizuma came back.

"That's what I thought..." Tamao whispered, her expression crestfallen. She quickly raised her voice, and continued to ask questions. "And...did she....did Shizuma-sama say anything? Did Shizuma-sama say anything....to Nagisa...chan?"

"I had a feeling you were going to ask that."

"Then she did," the blue haired girl surmised. "Shizuma-sama...she said something to Nagisa. ...-chan." Tamao paused, biting her lip. "...What did she say?"

"I'm sure you already know, based on what you've already said," Miyuki replied clinically, closing her eyes.

"_Nagisa! I love you! Nagisa!"_

"_Shizuma-sama...."_

"_So she came back, after all. I guess she couldn't help it, since Nagisa-chan is so cute..."_

"_Tamao-chan..."_

"_Goodbye, Nagisa-chan."_

_And I took back the ribbon. What happened next was..._

What happened next was up to fate.

"_Nagisa!!"_

"_I won't go -" - "- Shizuma-sama..."_

"_Shizuma-sama!! -" - "- I'm staying with you, Tamao-chan."_

"_Nagisa!-" - "-...so that's how it is."_

"_I...I'm sorry, Shizuma-sama.-" - "-Shizuma-sama!"_

"_Let's go!-" - "-Goodbye, Nagisa."_

"_Y...yes!!-" - "-G...Goodbye, Shizuma-sama. And...I'm...sorry...."_

"_Congratulations, Nagisa-chan. Congratulations. I'm... I'm happy for you, Nagisa-chan.-" - "-Na...gi...sa....cha...n....?"_

Her head was crying out to her, begging her to find the truth. Which was the truth, and which scenario was wracked with lies?! Tamao's face scrunched up in pain, and she cluched her head with both hands, keeling over on the spot.

"Suzumi-san!" Miyuki exclaimed, kneeling over. "Etoile-sama, are you okay?!"

"I'm...fine..." Tamao grimaced, slowly standing back up and still holding her head with one hand.

"Are...are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm...I'm going back...home."

* * *

"You're back? ...Welcome home!"

"I'm back, Nagisa-chan...."

"...Welcome home, Tamao!"

_Tamao. Tamao. I am...Suzumi Tamao. The person most important to Nagisa-chan, the person that I will hate forever. Tamao. Nagisa-chan...no, Nagisa chose me._

"...I'm home,....I'm home, Nagisa!"

Tears. Tears streamed forth, stemming from the deep bond the two shared.

"N...Nagisa!!"

"Tamao!!"

Tears stemming from the deep love the two shared.


End file.
